Illinois General Assembly Mandated Radio Stations Play Metallica Music

Unidentified Lobbiest Who Wrote the Bill

In 1998 the Illinois General Assembly enacted a bill to force radio station to play three consecutive Metallica songs at least once daily.  This requirement for radio is alike to station identification, emergency broadcast tests, and mindless banter for four hours starting at six every morning.   This was turbulent time in the Commonwealth of Illinois.

Governor Jim Edgar had all but endorsed Scientology, and was getting relations from his campaign manager.  Chicago sports teams, also inundated with the doctrines of Scientology, earned a reputation as amateurish¹.  There was also the flooding of the Mississippi (’93 & ’97²).

Also plaguing the airwaves was Alternative Rock and canned Hip-Hop acts, this prompted Illinois’ youth to act like depressed hippies or like inner-city thugs.    Schools and youth organizations were hopelessly trying to find young people who were angry social misfits.  Teenagers lacked the raw uncensored rage they had in the 1980s.

The 1980s were a fine time to live in Illinois.  The Bears were worthy of the killers they’re named after.  Lake Michigan wasn’t covered with a film of petrochemicals³.  The Mississippi, the sultry mistress of the west, stayed in her banks, but continued to seduce mid-westerners from Mediocre Moline to Glorious East St. Louis.  Most importantly, heavy metal music was played over the airwaves all day everyday.

It was an attempt to recapture the magic of the 1980s⁴, and perhaps it worked⁵.

Notes:
¹The Bulls don’t count, they belonged to everybody⁶.
²“93 was supposed to be a hundred year flood, so we didn’t move.”
³It was covered with petroleum processing byproduct, but it added to the shimmer of the lake at sunrise.
⁴The prohibition of alcohol was also considered to recapture the magic of the 1920s.
⁵Unlike prohibition.
⁶Now that they are Jordanless, they are the sole possesion of Chicago and it’s outlaying areas

Obama Currently Serving In Both U.S. Senate And Illinois State Senate

Barack Obama, favored to become the next President of the United States, is some times misidentified as formerly serving in the State Senate of Illinois.  The truth is, Obama has retained his State Senate seat, listed here.   This has never been done before, however it is not in violation of the United States Constitution¹ nor does it violate the Illinois Constitution².

Furthermore, Obama doesn’t plan on quitting anytime soon. “I will not resign either of my Senatorships should I become President.”

The idea is catching on. Sarah Palin tells us, “I also serve in the Canadian parliament, people don’t know that about me³.”

“Look, I want to fix Washington,” Obama tells us, “but a single office does not hold enough power to really change things.  That’s a large part of what is going wrong, power needs to be consolidated to one person.  That person should be me.  I would be Obama the Good, Obama the Wise, Obama the POWERFUL⁴.  Instead of a slow corrupted government you will have a glorious leader, all shall love me and despair.

“No. It shall not be so. I refuse that power.  I will be a servant of Congress, nothing more.  I have passed the test, and will diminish.”

Notes:
¹Nobody cares about the U.S. Constitution.
²Nobody has ever cared about state constitutions.
³She also can see Russia from her house.
⁴Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth.