Rex Grossman Arrested For Keeping More Than 250 Cats In His Home

The image collectively remembered by public when Grossman is mentioned.

Rex Grossman, best known for his comical antics on the football field, has been arrested by Hammond Indiana Animal Police on 263 counts of animal endangerment and cruelty.  Under Indiana law Grossman could be fined up to $2,000 and serve one year in jail per animal found on his property.  The NFL re-released the statement from the Micheal Vick animal incident.

“It makes me sick,” David Warding of the Hammond Indiana Animal Police is often sick, he is lactose intolerant, “I mean morally, I am reacting physically to my emotions right now.  And there is a ton of cat feces and some dead cats here which I am also reacting to.  I also had some ice-cream earlier.”

Bears spokeswoman Julie Manning¹ at a press conference said, “We never thought Rex would have endangered animals, I guess we all assumed only good athletes did that.”  She then corrected herself, “Excuse me, we thought only allegedly good athletes did that.”

“The cats will be taken in to good homes where they will be loved”² , lied Warding, “Indiana doesn’t just throw living things away if they are undesirable.”  Warding continued like this for twenty minutes on this pro-life soap-box rant that can only be called ‘inhumane’.

Notes:
¹No relation, but she is the office pariah
²Cats actually sent to incinerator