Mythbusters Accidently Give Life to “Buster”

 

Moments before unspeakable evils were unleashed

The new season of Mythbusters boasts a bigger budget and new outrageous myths to tackle with the fundamental elements of the scientific method¹. Nothing could have prepared them, however, for what happened while taking on a myth about the Occult. This seemingly innocent myth animated the popular crash test dummy, Buster, and sent him on a rampage.

 

The myth involved a dark ancient ceremony found on parchment dating from ancient Egypt. The myth presented here was that the ceremony would give life to any humanoid doll. The “animated” doll would be complete with emotions, memories, and a will of its own². The ceremony was played out on Buster during a full moon last lunar cycle. The details are still unknown on what the ceremony involved, but sources³ say it involved a night of candles, sheep’s blood, a virgin sacrifice, and a quick run to late night Wendy’s⁴.

“We knew something had gone wrong almost immediately,” said Marvis Bacon, a boom mike operator. “Buster’s hands started moving on their own and became a fist. That’s when the killing spree began.”

Few survived what is now being referred to as the “Buster Apocalypse”. One can only guess where the seemingly insatiable hatred expressed by this dummy came from. Buster with his inhuman strength dragged Jamie by his ankles to the roof and threw him off⁵. Adam did not escape either as Buster poured gasoline on him and burned him alive. Buster then grabbed a sword and massacred the rest of the Mythbusters cast and crew.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the family of the 97 deceased members of the Mythbusters crew.

Notes:

¹ Setting things on fire.
² Free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment.
³ Imaginary sources.
⁴ Virgins were not in short supply with the cast and crew of Mythbusters.
⁵ Testing the myth of human flight.

World War One Named By Pessimists In 1915

Pessimists

At the time nobody understood why it was called World War One, and the reasons would not become entirely clear for twenty-five years.  It has been a mystery whether it was staggering pessimism or grandiose foresight.   The truth is far more terrifying.

It is true, there were skeptics to the “War to End All Wars” name.  Politicians, Army officers and newspaper writers in Europe and the United States¹ were doubtful the war would bring a ‘lasting peace’.  Most would not go so far as to say the the World War would not only fail to lay the ground work for a peace keeping global initiative, but set in motion the mechanism of a second world war².  Some of them thought so.

Eye wittness rendering of original envelope

Woodrow Wilson was wise enough to see punitive terms of a treaty would draw out the war and increase long term international bitterness.  This is what the League of Nations was all about, or would have been if it were not watered down by France and the United States Congress.

The most reliable explanation is an unnamed time traveler slipped-up and called the war by it’s common name.  However, the only source is from the one-time time travelers convention hosted by MIT in 2005.  Though the confession was found in a futuristic envelope on the floor after the convention, it checks out as authentic because the envelope was a living plant bio-engineered to function as an envelope.

The FBI has held the remainder of the envelope’s contents in the years since the convention, though the FBI denies it to this day.  They and only they know for certain what other secrets were revealed by the mysterious letter.

Notes:

¹But not in Canada.
²Modernly capitalized as a proper noun.